GRIEF WITHOUT A DOUBT THIS IS THE LONGEST BRIDGE REQUIRED TO CROSS. WITHOUT A DOUBT IS THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN TO ATTEMPT TO CLIMB THE DEEPEST OCEAN ENDEAVORED TO SWIM, THE MOST TUMULTUOS WAVES THAT EVER CRASHED IN SIGHT. THE FOGGIEST MIST I’VE TRIED TO SEE THROUGH. THE MOST DEVASTATING SNOWSTORM WITHOUT A SNOWPLOW. THE LACK LUSTER BEAUTY OF THE STARS IN THE SKY. THE DEEPEST DARKEST STORM CLOUDS THAT HAVE EVER PASSED BY. THE ROWBOAT MINUS IT’S OARS, THE SHIP WITH OUT A HUMAN STEERING AT THE HELM. THE FISHING ROD AND LINE WITH NO BAIT. THE FLOWERS WITH BUDS AND NO BLOOMS. THE TREES WITHOUT LEAVES. SUNRISE AND SUNSET WITHOUT SUN THE HIGHWAY WITH NO DESIGNATED MARKINGS OR ROUTE SIGNS. THE CHURCH WITHOUT IT’S STEEPLE THE CHOIR STAND WITH NO PEOPLE JUMONVILLE WITHOUT THE CROSS FOOD WITHOUT SALT, PEPPER OR SUGAR A TALL BUILDING WITHOUT AN ELEVATOR A MICROWAVE WITHOUT ELECTRICITY AN AIR CONDITIONER WITH NO FREEON A PENCIL WITHOUT LEAD A BED WITHOUT A MATTRESS A PRINTER WITHOUT INK A COLORING BOOK WITH NO CRAYONS A WORD SEARCH WITHOUT A WORD LIST AN ENVELOPE WITHOUT A STAMP A WASHCLOTH WITHOUT SOAP A BAT WITHOUT A BALL. A LAMP WITHOUT A BULB TEARS WITHOUT TISSUE. A DOG WITHOUT A BARK A CAT WITHOUT A MEOW. BIRDS WITHOUT A SONG CHRISTIAN WITHOUT A BIBLE…… JUST SOME “WITHOUT A DOUBT” RAGING ASPECTS OF GRIEF.
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WATERS
TURNING AND TOSSING, BATTLING MY WAY THROUGH TUMULTOUS WATERS OF GRIEF. STILL TRUSTING MY LORD AND SAVIOR UNWAIVERINGLY FOR HIS PROMISED RELIEF. SWIMMING, IN A STEADY OCEAN OF FEELINGS THAT OVERIDE REALITY AND EXPECTATIONS WITHOUT MY SOUL MATE BY MY SIDE. WADING, AS THE WATERS GROW CALMER… LESS RIPPLES WITH INCOMING TIDE. TREADING, NEARER STILL NEARER AS GOD’S WORD IN ME ABIDES. THE SANDS OF THE BEACH STRETCHING FROM SUNSET TO SUNRISE. THE PEBBLES AND SEASHELLS HAVE SETTLED IN PLACES ALL AROUND. SYMBOLIZING THE LOVE OF GOD WHO, WITH PROMISED COMFORT WILL SURROUND. I MUST NOW, ARISE, ARISE, ABOVE THE VARIOUS WATERS OF THIS LIFE. STANDING STRONG, TO BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM WRAPPED IN THE ARMS OF THE “LIFEGUARD” FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!
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DARKEST HOUR
EVEN IN OUR DARKEST HOURS GOD’S LIGHT IS STILL REFLECTED IN OUR UNWAIVERING, FAITH FILLED MIND. HIS LOVE IS GREATER, HIS STRENGTH AND GRACE, A SUSTAINER, AS ON US, NEW MERCIES EACH MORNING, HE SHINES. HIS WORD CONTAINS A PROMISE TO NEVER LEAVE OR FORSAKE. EVEN THOUGH DARK, CLOUDY, OCCLUDED SEEMS OUR PATH. HIS PROMISE...HE ...WILL NEVER BREAK. LOOK UP...LOOK UP...THROUGH THE DARKNESS. FOCUS ON THE LIGHT THAT STILL SHINES. ALL SADNESS, APPREHENSION, SORROW, DEPRESSION OR GRIEF, THE HOLY SPIRIT CAN EMPOWER US TO OVERCOME WITH AN UNWAVERING, FAITH FILLED MIND!
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HEAVENLY FATHER, ARE YOU MOVING ME INTO A NEW STAGE WHERE I AM NO LONGER FREE TO MAKE DECISIONS OR TO ASSERT WITH MY VOICE? HAVE YOU CALLED ME TO EVEN RELINQUISH MY CHOICE? IN GETHSEMANE’S GARDEN WHEN YOUR SON FACED SURE ADVERSITY TO THE POINT THAT HIS TEARS WERE EVEN BLOODY AS HE PRAYED FOR RELEASE. YOU CALMED HIS FEARS AND GAVE HIM A NEW MINDSET… “NEVERTHELESS” ... THY WILL IS BEST. IS “NEVERTHELESS” SECTION OF THIS JOURNEY JUST UP THE HILL? WHERE MY RELUCTANCE IS REMOVED SO I CAN SINCERELY AND WITH NECESSITY BOW AND BEND TO YOUR WILL? I PRAY DAILY THY WILL BE DONE BECAUSE I BELIEVE WITH YOUR STRENTH ALL VICTORIES WILL BE WON. HELP ME TO INTERNALIZE THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THAT PRAYER. FOR I DO HAVE BLESSED ASSURANCE THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE. YOU’VE ANSWERED PRAYERS FOR WISDOM IN RESPONSES THAT I MAKE. YOU HAVE COVERED ME WITH LOVE AND KINDNESS WITH ENDURANCE FOR THIS RACE. THE SONG SAYS, NOT TO THE STRONG IS THE BATTLE, NOR TO THE SWIFT IS THE RACE, BUT TO THE TRUE AND THE FAITHFUL, VICTORY IS PROMISED THROUGH GRACE. THANK YOU, FATHER, FOR GOODNESS AND MERCY PROMISED IN YOUR WORD COVERING ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE SINCE MAKING YOU, MY LORD. NOW I AM ENCOURAGED AS I REMEMBER THAT EVEN JESUS, YOUR SON, HAD TO YEILD TO “NEVERTHELESS” FOR HIS BATTLE TO BE WON. I YIELD, I YIELD, TO THIS “NEVERTHELESS” STAGE IN LIFE’S JOURNEY. ASSURED THAT EVEN NOW, AND IN THE FUTURE, I WILL RECEIVE YOUR PROMISED VICTORY. AMEN
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NO RESTING PLACE HERE DEPRESSION MAY COME. LET IT NOT FIND A RESTING PLACE HERE. IT MIGHT ALSO BE FOLLOWED BY SOMETHING WE EXPERIENCE AS FEAR. LET IT NOT FIND A RESTING PLACE IN YOU. NO DAMAGE CAN BE DONE JUST BECAUSE IT PASSED THROUGH. ONLY IF WE ENTERTAIN AND ACCEPT IT ALLOWING IT TO REMAIN. SO, HERE’S THE WORD… DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND FEAR YOU WILL NOT FIND A RESTING PLACE HERE!
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BE ENCOURAGED BY THE WORD OF GOD (Excerpts Ephesians 3:14-21) DO NOT BE OVERWHELMED BY THE LOSS OF LOVED ONES OR RELATIONSHIPS HERE ON EARTH. EVEN THOUGH THEY’VE BEEN AN INTEGRAL PART OF YOU THEY STILL DO NOT DETERMINE YOUR WORTH! YOUR WORTH IS DETERMINED BY YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND MAN. AS YOU FACE BATTLES IN THIS LIFE ON HIS WORD, YOU MUST CONTINUE TO STAND! “MY THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS NOR ARE YOUR WAYS MY WAYS,” SAYS THE LORD IN ISAIAH FIFTY-FIVE EIGHT. GOD WANTS TO BLESS YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS. OUR GOD IS NOT CONFINED TO THE FINITE IMAGINATION OF MAN. WE FILL OUR MIND WITH PLANNING BUT HE EXECUTES HIS MASTER PLAN. FOR THIS REASON WE MUST BOW OUR KNEES TO THE FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. FOR WHOM THE WHOLE FAMILY OF HEAVEN AND EARTH IS NAMED. HIS HOLY WILL FOR US… MUST STILL SUFFICE. OUR DESIRE IS THAT HE WOULD GRANT YOU, ACCORDING TO THE RICHES OF HIS GLORY TO BE STRENGTHENED WITH MIGHT THROUGH HIS SPIRIT IN YOUR INNER MAN AS IF IT WERE MANDATORY. THAT CHRIST MAY CONTINUE TO DWELL IN YOUR HEART, THROUGH FAITH. AND GROUNDED IN LOVE , MAY BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND WITH ALL THE SAINTS; WHAT IS THE WIDTH, LENGTH, DEPTH, AND HEIGHT. TO KNOW THE LOVE OF CHRIST WHICH PASSES KNOWLEDGE. THAT YOU MAY BE FILLED WITH THE FULLNESS OF GOD WITH SPIRITUAL UNDERSTANDING SUPERIOR TO WHAT IS LEARNED IN COLLEGE. FOR OUR GOD IS ABLE TO DO EXCEEDINGLY ABOVE ALL THAT WE ASK OR EVEN THINK! ACCORDING TO THE POWER THAT WORKS IN US… HIS HOLY SPIRIT IS THE LINK. TO HIM BE GLORY BY CHRIST JESUS TO ALL GENERATIONS FOREVER AND EVER… OUR RELATIONSHIP AND SECURITY IN JESUS, NO MAN, OR CIRCUMSTANCE… CAN EVER SEVER. BE ENCOURAGED BY THESE TRUTHS AND CONCEPTS FOUND IN GOD’S HOLY WORD. BECAUSE THEY DIRECTLY APPLY TO US ALL SINCE WE’VE ACCEPTED HIM AS LORD. PRAYER... HEAVENLY FATHER, GIVE ME THE GRACE TO BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU GIVE TO ME. NO! MORE THAN THAT...LET ME REJOICE THAT YOU ARE WITH ME IN ALL THAT YOU SEND ME BECAUSE… IT IS YOUR SOVEREIGN CHOICE.
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LESS FREQUENT PITY PARTIES
I AM EXPERIENCING LESS FREQUENT PITY PARTIES THAT GOD ALLOWS FOR THE RELIEF OF STRESS AS I SETTLE IN TO THE STARK REALITY THAT GOD ALONE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST. THESE TEARS I SHED AND THE ANGUISH OF LOSS I AM FEELING, AT TIMES LEAVES MY BODY JUST ROCKING AND REELING. LIKE A SHIP CAUGHT OUT IN A SUDDEN STORM WITH NO WEATHER MAP OR INSTRUMENT PANEL TO FORWARN THE SEVERITY OF THE WAVES RUSHING IN TO CAPSIZE THE SHIP, WITH UNRELENTING WINDS. NO COAST GUARD OR BORDER PATROL RESCUE SHIPS ON WHOM I CAN DEPEND. BUT WAIT! JUST AS SUDDENLY AS THE STORM… YOU SEND CALMNESS TO REINFORCE THE INNER PEACE ALREADY GIVEN. YOU WRAP ME TIGHTER IN YOUR COMPASSIONATE ARMS OF LOVE REMINDING ME THAT I AM “SPIRIT DRIVEN”. SO, WETHER MY SHIP OF LIFE VEERS TO THE LEFT OR TO THE RIGHT YOUR ARMS OF PROTECTION AND GUIDANCE MUST REMAIN IN MY SIGHT. SO YES, THESE PITY PARTIES TO RELIEVE STRESS WILL BECOME LESS FREQUENT TO BE SURE, FOR THERE IS NO QUESTION, NO ASSUMPTIONS, NO GUESSES THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS CARE FOR ME SO, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SPIRITUAL VICTORY!
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NOT WITHOUT A SCAR
BROKEN HEARTS WILL HEAL, BUT NOT WITHOUT A SCAR WE PUT A BANDAIDE ON IT. A BANDAIDE OF NUMBNESS, ANGER, ACCEPTANCE, REALITY. THAT COVERS AND STOPS THE ACTIVE BLEEDING BUT LEAVES A SCAR OTHERS CANNOT SEE. WE ENGAGE IN ACTVITIES THAT ARE ORDINARY AND RENEWING EVEN WITH A SMILE. BUT MEMORIES OF LOVED ONES LOST WITH WHOM WE TRAVELED THEIR LAST MILE CONSTANTLY FILL THE MIND, LOSSENING THAT BAND AIDE UNTIL IT FINALLY DROPS AWAY LEAVING A HUGE UGLY SCAR THAT WILL FOREVER STAY. THE SILENT WOUND MIGHT EVEN FESTER BEFORE IT HEALS COMPLETELY. ALLOWING THOUGHTS OF DISEASE AND ITS PROCESS TO OVERRIDE THE HAPPIEST AND BEST MEMORIES. GOD SENT US HIS HOLY SPIRIT TO AID US THROUGH THIS GRIEF PROCESS BUT STILL SENDS US THROUGH SO, THROUGH WE MUST GO, SINCE THERE IS NO WAY AROUND. TIME IS A HEALER OF SOME THINGS. AS WE PRAISE STRIVING FOR POSITIVITY WE ARE COVERED WITH GRACE, PROTECTION, PROVISIONS, GOODNESS AND MERCY ALLOWING EVEN A SCARRED HEART. TO STILL SING!
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THE EXPERIENCE OF NUMBNESS…. NUMBNESS IS A PROTECTION THAT ALLOWS US TO SLOWLY REACT AND ADJUST TO REALITY. IT ALLOWS OUR MIND TO SLOWLY CATCH UP WITH OUR EMOTIONS AND BODY. NUMBNESS IS A FLOW THAT PUTS US IN NO PARTICULAR STAGE OF GRIEF AS IT’S FLOW IS NOT MANDATED BY YOU. AS IT FLOWS YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF EASING IN TO THE REALITY OF WHAT WAS SUDDENLY FORCED UPON YOU EVEN IF YOU FELT THAT YOU WERE PREPARED. THERE IS NO PREPARATION FOR THIS TYPE OF GRIEF. BAM! YOU’RE IN IT!!! ACCEPT ALL THE HELP MADE AVAILABLE. GRIEF IS A “WE” BATTLE…...NOT A “ME” BATTLE WE HURT TOGETHER, CRY TOGETHER, LAUGH TOGETHER PRAY TOGETHER AND TOGETHER ACCEPT THE INNER PEACE PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING…NO MATTER WHAT IT BRINGS WE MUST ALLOW OUR HEART TO STILL SING
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ALONE
WE CAN FEEL ALONE EVEN IN THE MIDST OF A CROWD WHEN THE MOST IMPORTANT HUMAN IN OUR LIFE IS MISSING. NO MATTER THE LENGTH OF TIME! IT’S NOT THE LONELINESS IMPLIED IN “I WILL NEVER LEAVE OR FORSAKE YOU” IT IS SIMPLY BECAUSE THE PIECE OF THE PUZZLE THAT MADE IT COMPLETE IS MISSING IN OUR TIME AND SPACE. SO, AS WE ABSORB, ADJUST, ACCEPT THIS GRIEF THAT HAS FOREVER ALTERED OUR LIFE AND OUR BEING. WE MUST CONTINUE TO CLING TO OUR FATHER AS WE WALK THROUGH OUR PREDESTINED LIVES HERE “ALONE” … BUT NOT ALWAYS LONELY.
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HEAVENLY FATHER, FRIENDS, ACQUAINTANCES AND LOVED ONES NAMES ARE BEING CALLED FROM YOUR ROLL. LIVES ARE MORE QUICKLY VANISHING AS THE BELLS OF DEATH SWIFTLY TOLL. OH, FATHER, LET US NOT TAKE LIGHTLY YOUR VISIBLE WARNING SIGNS. LET US ALLOW YOU TO WIPE OUR SLATES CLEAN. GRANT CONTINUED INNER PEACE AND A GOD CENTERED MIND. WE HAVE THE ASSURANCE, FATHER, THAT IN DEATH WE’RE JUST MOVING ON. NO NEED TO FEAR OR TREMBLE AS WE REST ON YOUR PROMISES TO NEVER LEAVE US ALONE. WE’VE READ THAT HEAVEN IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE OF PEACE. WHERE WE CAN REJOICE WITH THE ANGELS WHOSE PRAISES HOLY, HOLY, HOLY TO YOUR NAME WILL NEVER CEASE. BEFORE OUR DAY COMES, OH FATHER LET US NOT ALLOW ANYTHING BETWEEN YOU AND US OR MAN AND US… THAT WILL PREVENT OUR VIEWING THOSE BEAUTIFUL SCENES. HELP US TO WITNESS TO OTHERS. THERE IS NO MORE TIME FOR DELAY… TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU AS PERSONAL SAVIOR, FOR YOUR FACE WE SHALL SEE ONE DAY. I AM NOT RUSHING YOUR TIME, FATHER OR TRYING TO FORESEE YOUR MASTER PLAN. I’M JUST MORE AWARE OF THE SURETY THAT IT’S INEVITABLE THAT WE’LL LEAVE THIS LAND. SO, LET THIS BE THE SEASON FOR PROMPT FORGIVENESS AND AGAPE LOVE. A SEASON OF CONTINUAL SINCERE PRAISE TO YOU AS DO THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN ABOVE.
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THE ONLY HUG THAT MATTERS
IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT THE HUG THAT ENGAGES ME IS WITH STRONG ARMS. IT CAN NEVER MATCH OR COME CLOSE TO THE HUGS THAT KEPT ME FROM EVER BEING HARMED. IT CAN NEVER MEAN TO ME, “I LOVE YOU WITH A LOVE THAT IS ENDLESS” OR THAT “AS LONG AS I LIVE ON THIS EARTH I WILL NEVER EVER BE FRIENDLESS” IT CAN NEVER MEAN “I WILL LOVE AND CHERISH YOU “AS WAS SPOKEN IN OUR SACRED VOWS. IT CAN NEVER MEAN “NOW AND FOREVER” WITH AN ARCH IN THE BROW. IT’S HARD TO EVEN FATHOM THE LOSS OF THOSE STRONG ARMS. TO EVEN HAVE TO RELY ONLY ON MEMORIES OF YOUR HIDDEN CHARMS.
OH, IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HUG I DID NOT GET TODAY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SIXTY-TWO YEARS CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE TAKEN YOU AWAY. TO A PLACE I COULD NOT PROVIDE, TO A PLACE PRIORITIZING HEALTH AND SAFETY. A PLACE WHERE BECAUSE OF COVID 19 RULES, I AM NOT PERMITTED. A PLACE WHERE YOU ARE UNABLE TO ROAM FREELY. GOD IS STILL IN DIVINE CONTROL AND HAS PROVIDED A WAY FOR US TO ENGAGE IN THAT STRONG ARMED HUG NOT FACE TO FACE BUT VIRTUALLY. TIME IS FLEETING NOW, RUNNING ITS COURSE OF LIFE. I NEED TO SAY I AM STILL SO BLESSED BY YOUR HUGS AND TO BE YOUR FAITHFUL, LOVING WIFE. ALWAYS & FOREVER JANE
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OUR FATHER, GOD IS SPECIAL
OUR FATHER, GOD IS SPECIAL FOR OUT OF CONFUSION, HE BRINGS PEACE. HE SPEAKS CALM INTO OUR SITUATIONS, EMITTING AN INNER JOY THAT WILL NEVER CEASE. HE HAS AN EYE TO SEE THE FUTURE. HE CAN SOFTEN AND WARM A HEART THAT IS HARDENED AND COLD. HE SPEAKS LIFE INTO OUR CIRCUMSTANCES. GENTLY GUIDES THOSE OF US YOUNG OR OLD. OUR FATHER GOD IS A HEALER OF MIND, BODY AND SOUL. HE FULFILLS PROMISES IN HIS WORD AND RECORDS OUR NAME ON HIS ROLL. HE SENT HIS SON TO EARTH TO GIVE HIS LIFE FOR YOU AND ME. HE PAID THE COST FOR OUR SINS, SO, FOR ALL, ETERNAL LIFE IS FREE HE DOES NOT BEAT US INTO SUBMISSION. THROUGH HIS WORD HE WOOES EACH ONE. HE IS THE HEAD OF THE GODHEAD… HOLY SPIRIT AND THE SON. ONE HAS ONLY TO BELIEVE AND RECEIVE. CONFESSING THAT BELIEF WITH THEIR MOUTH. ASKING FORGIVENESS FOR ALL HAVE SINNED OUR HEAVENLY FATHER SAVES AND BRINGS US OUT. OUT OF LIFE’S DARKNESS INTO HIS MARVELOUS LIGHT. ACCEPT, TRUST AND OBEY. LIVING ACCORDING TO HIS WORD WILL SUFFICE. IN A WORLD OF SO MUCH TRAGEDY AND CONFUSION ONLY OUR SPECIAL FATHER GOD CAN BRING PEACE. ONLY HE CAN TURN OUR MOURNING INTO GLADNESS WITH A JOY THAT EMITS PEACE.
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ANOTHER THANK YOU,
HEAVENLY FATHER THANK YOU, HEAVENLY FATHER FOR YOUR MERCY AND YOUR GRACE.FOR A PORTION OF ENERGY TO KEEP STEADY IN LIFE’S RACE. ENERGY THAT NOT ONLY COMES FROM PHYSICAL STRENGTH. IT ALSO COMES FROM BOUNTIFUL SPIRITUAL BLESSINGS THAT GO BEYOND LENGTH. I AM RENEWED BY THE BEAUTY OF YOUR FLOWERS, BUTTERFLIES, THE SONGS OF YOUR BIRDS ALONG THE WAY. THE RISING SUN AND SPECTACULAR SUNSETS YOU PROVIDE FOR US EACH DAY. THE HAWK GLIDING IN THE SKY IN TRIOS OR ALONE. THE BUNNIES, SQUIRRELS, TURKEYS AND DEER THAT SO FREELY ROAM. THANK YOU, AGAIN HEAVENLY FATHER, FOR FAMILY, FRIENDS, GOODNESS, MERCY AND GRACE. ALL ARE UPLIFTING AND ENCOURAGING AS I JOURNEY THROUGH TIME AND TOWARDS SPACE. MY STATUS AS “A FIXER” HAS BEEN CHANGED TO THAT OF A MANAGER OF THE PLANS THAT HAVE BEEN DIVINELY ARRANGED FOR ME. SO AS YOUR NATURE CALLS TO MY ATTENTION YOUR CARE FOR EVEN THE LITTLE SPARROW IT ENHANCES SECURITY ON LIFE’S JOURNEY KNOWING AND ACCEPTING THAT IN YOUR WILL...WHAT WILL BE WILL BE. CONTINUE TO GUARD MY HEART FROM WHICH FLOWS THE ISSUES OF LIFE, MY THOUGHTS, MY TONGUE, MY ACTIONS, MY HOPES AND DREAMS EVEN WHEN LIFE UNFOLDS DIFFERENTLY THAN IT SEEMS. YES, THANK YOU, HEAVENLY FATHER, FOR YOUR MERCY AND GRACE, I WILL CONTINUE TO THRIVE ON THE ENERGY YOU HAVE PROVIDED FOR LIFE’S RACE.
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ANOTHER THANK YOU,
HEAVENLY FATHER THANK YOU, HEAVENLY FATHER FOR YOUR MERCY AND YOUR GRACE.FOR A PORTION OF ENERGY TO KEEP STEADY IN LIFE’S RACE. ENERGY THAT NOT ONLY COMES FROM PHYSICAL STRENGTH. IT ALSO COMES FROM BOUNTIFUL SPIRITUAL BLESSINGS THAT GO BEYOND LENGTH. I AM RENEWED BY THE BEAUTY OF YOUR FLOWERS, BUTTERFLIES, THE SONGS OF YOUR BIRDS ALONG THE WAY. THE RISING SUN AND SPECTACULAR SUNSETS YOU PROVIDE FOR US EACH DAY. THE HAWK GLIDING IN THE SKY IN TRIOS OR ALONE. THE BUNNIES, SQUIRRELS, TURKEYS AND DEER THAT SO FREELY ROAM. THANK YOU, AGAIN HEAVENLY FATHER, FOR FAMILY, FRIENDS, GOODNESS, MERCY AND GRACE. ALL ARE UPLIFTING AND ENCOURAGING AS I JOURNEY THROUGH TIME AND TOWARDS SPACE. MY STATUS AS “A FIXER” HAS BEEN CHANGED TO THAT OF A MANAGER OF THE PLANS THAT HAVE BEEN DIVINELY ARRANGED FOR ME. SO AS YOUR NATURE CALLS TO MY ATTENTION YOUR CARE FOR EVEN THE LITTLE SPARROW IT ENHANCES SECURITY ON LIFE’S JOURNEY KNOWING AND ACCEPTING THAT IN YOUR WILL...WHAT WILL BE WILL BE. CONTINUE TO GUARD MY HEART FROM WHICH FLOWS THE ISSUES OF LIFE, MY THOUGHTS, MY TONGUE, MY ACTIONS, MY HOPES AND DREAMS EVEN WHEN LIFE UNFOLDS DIFFERENTLY THAN IT SEEMS. YES, THANK YOU, HEAVENLY FATHER, FOR YOUR MERCY AND GRACE, I WILL CONTINUE TO THRIVE ON THE ENERGY YOU HAVE PROVIDED FOR LIFE’S RACE.
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PENNED FOR SPOUSE OF ALTZHEIMER VICTIM
SO HOW DO I GET THE FACTS IN MY MIND TO BE ACCEPTED IN MY HEART? HOW DOES IT COMPUTE IN MY BRAIN TO THE EXTENT THAT I CAN START SHAPING MY LIFE AROUND CIRCUMSTANCES THAT NEVER REMAIN THE SAME? FEELING A NEED TO BE ON HAND FOR EVERY MOVEMENT OF LIFE’S GAME. THIS GAME OF LIFE THAT HAS BEEN DEALT TO ME AND MY MATE. I REALIZE WE ARE IN THE HANDS OF GOD JUST WALKING DAY BY DAY BY FAITH. SOME FACTS ARE VERY OBVIOUS TO OTHERS BUT DIFFICULT FOR ME TO BELIEVE. I DO BELIEVE THE WORD OF THE LORD… BUT WHAT I EXPERIENCE IS HARD TO RECEIVE. THE WORD OF THE LORD GOD, MY FATHER, CONTINUES TO SAY… I’LL BE WITH YOU NOW AND ALWAYS JUST TRUST OBEY AND PRAY. SO, I PRAY THAT I CAN INTERNALIZE REALITY. STILL AWARE OF THE FATHER’S MIRACLES THAT HAVE DIRECTLY AFFECTED ME. I PRAY THAT I WILL NOT JUST LET LIFE FLY BY UNLIVED…. WHILE I’M LOCKED INTO MY DREAMS, WHAT I DESIRE FATHER HELP ME TO BE CONFIDENT, TRUSTING THAT YOUR WILL BE DONE WHILE ENJOYING THE FREEDOM THAT I KNOW HAS BEEN HEAVEN SENT. SO, HOW DO I GET THE FACTS IN MY MIND TO BE ACCEPTED IN MY HEART. I’LL TURN IT OVER AGAIN TO MY FATHER AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AN ENLIGHTENED START. “LOOK AND LIVE, MY SISTER LIVE, LOOK TO JESUS NOW AND LIVE. IT’S RECORDED IN HIS WORD...HALLELUJAH IF ONLY YOU WILL LOOK AND LIVE.
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HON, HON, WHERE ARE YOU? YOU’RE LYING BESIDE ME… YOU’RE NINETY YEARS OLD NOW...BUT WHERE ARE YOU? SIXTY-FIVE YEARS WE WERE SO HAPPY, SO FREE I LOOK INTO YOUR TWINKLING EYES AND I KNOW YOU’RE STILL HERE BUT CHANGES IN YOUR MIND SET ARE CAUSING MORE AND MORE TEARS. STRONG, GENTLE, HUMOROUS, LOVING, DEPENDABLE ALL POSITIVE ASSETS OF “HON” ...TIL NOW. SOME EXHIBITED BEHAVIORS PUT A FROWN TO MY BROW. HON, HON, WHERE ARE YOU? YOU TELL ME THANKS, AND “YOU LOOK PRETTY” AS YOU SMILE YOUR MISCHIEVOUS SMILE, LIFE AGAIN SEEMS SO NORMAL AS WE TREAD TOGETHER OUR SENIOR MILES. THEN SOMETHING STRANGE COMES OVER YOU AND YOU...I RECOGNIZE...NOT AT ALL. CANTANKEROUS, EDGEY, NON-APPROVING UNCOOPERATIVE WAVES ROLL OVER YOU… ANYTHING I DID NOT ASK IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! THIS DREADFUL DISEASE CALLED ALZHEIMERS HAS MOVED IN TO OUR ADDRESS. BUT OUR GOD IS GIVING ME EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH TO PASS THIS PRESENT TEST.
WHILE RELEASING TUMULTUOUS WAVES OF DISTRESS. SATAN STILL TRIES TO DULL MY VICTORIES BY ENTERING MY THOUGHTS WITH UNCERTAINTY AND DREAD. BUT PRAYER IS THE KEY, FAITH UNLOCKS THE DOOR TO THE EVIDENCE OF THINGS UNSEEN. WORSHIP AND PRAISE NOW FLOODS MY SOUL WITH CONFIDENCE LIKE A GENTLY RUNNING STREAM. THE STREAM THAT EVOLVED FROM AN OCEAN OF HOPE TO A RIVER OF TRUST IN OUR TRUE AND LIVING GOD WHO DAILY MINISTERS TO US. REFILLING EACH NOOK AND CRANNY THAT FLOWS NOW INTO A BROOK OF A HISTORY OF DIVINE INTERVENTION... SO NOW I TAKE A SECOND LOOK...A NEW LOOK, A REFRESHED, REJUVENATED LOOK THROUGH THE PAGES OF LIFE AS I LIVE EACH LETTER AND EACH LINE. I AM SECURE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT AS I WALK IN THE WILL OF GOD…. NO MATTER HOW MANY PAGES ARE IN LIFE’S NOVEL… ALL WILL CONTINUE TO BE FINE!
